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Why Ride Freeline Skates? 2017-10-06T22:56:30+00:00

Freeline Skates WILL try to kill You

But this is exactly why these skates make you a monster.

Anything that tries to kill you will make you grow, adapt. Like Super Saiyans, us humans grow stronger when almost killed. But you must find yourself in the darkness. Freeline skating will take you to that darkness, mostly because you will have no control where you go and downhill always goes into the shadow of darkness. Where you skate down to the devil and ask for deliverance of your soul. Seeing that you skated down on two separate boards per foot will make him realize you’re not just another skating pussy. You are a skate GOD. And likely have balls so big, you get girls pregnant by kissing them.

The devil satan guy

So HOW do you ride Freeline Skates?

You ride them hard. And fast. But mostly hard.

First, you need the balance of a god.

Wait maybe we’ll just make a list

  1. Balance of a GOD.
  2. HUGE fucking balls.
  3. Freeline skates
  4. Two fucking feet or feet like things.
  5. A Need for Speed.
  6. Huge Balls.

There are also some carving principles that you need to know before riding.

Principles and Technicalities of RIDING FREELINE SKATES

Toes in, toes out, stay low, go to hell.

But what if I have no balls? What if I’m a girl?

Then you must BELIEVE you have balls. Grab those skates and start SHREDDING.

Do I ride vert or street with these???

You can ride both, if you can. You can surf with these if you can too. But people generally do vert and street. Or bomb hills.

Freeline Skating in the dark, skate bowl

Skating to your bedroom

Why would I want to ride these?

The same reason you should want to do anything hard. To challenge yourself. To grow as a soul and individual. To prepare for the day you are chased through catacombs of smooth concrete down a mountain, while giant spiders chase you, hungry for wiener. Your wiener.

For the day your skateboard breaks in two. And you’re getting chased by thugs who are not only juiced to the gills and twice as tall as you. They are in mech suits. And they want to rob you of more than just your things. You will HAVE to be able to ride that broken in two skateboard, one piece of board under each foot. You’ll have to escape. And if you’ve never ridden freeline skates before. You’ll probably be dead.

What if those things never happen?

Then you haven’t lived. Now go out there and hurt yourself for the love of earth. Push your pathetic human soul past the point of being human. Leave humanity behind, as Rich Piana always said. Crush your anus-like being until you are a cosmic diamond. Capable of anything. To master balance is the ultimate understanding of Ying and Yang.

To control the freeline skates is to control yourself.

What if I can totally control myself but can’t control the freeline skates?

Then you are already dead.